


Better

by Pearl_Unplanned



Series: Cap_Ironman Bingo 2016 (1) [15]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alien Technology, Cap_Ironman Bingo, Concerned Avengers, Hurt Steve Rogers, Loss of Emotions, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Stony Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 10:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7529413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Unplanned/pseuds/Pearl_Unplanned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve was hit with an alien ray that caused rapid brain growth. While he's enjoying being a lot smarter, since now he may just be smart enough and good enough, for Tony, he doesn't realize the consequences of the alien technology until it might be too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better

**Author's Note:**

> Cap_Ironman prompt: big brains  
> 

 

            It was a well-known fact that Tony Stark was a genius. And if someone didn't know that he was a genius, they'd surely know if they hung around him long enough, because he made sure that everyone knew. If it wasn't because he specifically said how much of a genius he was, it was because he'd say something that most people would never be able to understand, thoroughly showing off his high intelligence.

            And even with all that intelligence, though, he couldn't figure out what the ray might've done to Steve. It had all ended almost perfectly. They'd taken down the aliens who had been destroying the city, and right when everything seemed to be going good, Steve got zapped, which knocked him out.

            It wasn't until they got him back to the tower when Steve woke up and informed the team that he was _fine_ , and that there was nothing to worry about. No one really believed that, but after thoroughly going through all of the tests that they'd preformed, neither Tony nor Bruce was able to find anything wrong with him.

            "You two are driving yourself crazy looking for something that must not have affected me in any way," Steve said, handing Tony a steaming cup of coffee before wandering over to where Bruce was going through some other reports, and handed him a mug of tea. It was early in the morning, but he couldn't sleep knowing that his teammates were trying to help him so much. He didn't _feel_ different, and the tests were all saying that he was fine, so... He felt guilty, knowing that they were doing all of this for him and getting no results.

            "Thanks Steve," Bruce said appreciatively.

            "How'd you know we were awake?" Tony asked, and Steve smiled at the look on his face. Coffee seemed to be the only thing that could ever wake him up.

            "Because you hadn't found anything yesterday, and neither of you can ever seem to put things to rest," Steve replied, picking up one of the reports. His eyes scanned the page, recognizing his genetic signature on the left, and an identical genetic signature on the right. "It didn't take the serum away, that's for sure. Maybe the serum got rid of the effect before it was even able to happen? It's pretty good at fighting things off. I haven't gotten sick since I was younger."

            "That could be a possibility," Bruce agreed. "I'd guess that the serum was trying to fight it, that's what knocked you out. Which, unfortunately, means that the ray was trying to affect your brain, more than likely."

            "So I could turn evil at any moment?" Steve asked, terrified. The last thing that he ever wanted to do was hurt his team. They were _everything_ to him. They were the only family that he had. If being here was putting them in danger...

            "No, I don't think it was a mind-control device," Bruce replied, patting Steve's shoulder before he tossed one of the holo-screens over to Tony. "The serum must've fought it off, because you _aren't_ evil right now. Which means that the serum is a lot stronger than we originally thought."

            That was good. Steve didn't even want to think that there was a _chance_ of him hurting his team against his will. "Good. Then you guys don't have to continue searching for something that isn't there, right?"

            "I guess not," Bruce said, though he didn't sound so sure.

            "What if we missed something?" Tony asked, and Steve was a little surprised by how worried Tony sounded. He'd never really noticed before if Tony had sounded that worried. He knew that _he_ worried about his teammates probably a little too much, but they were his family. He wasn't sure exactly how they felt, because he'd never actually _referred_ to his team as his _family_ more than once or twice. Maybe he mentioned that to Bucky, back when they were trying to get him past the Winter Soldier programming... but he wasn't sure of that or not. They knew that he cared about them, right?

            "I'm sure everything's fine," Steve said. "If something was wrong, I'd be the first to know, right?"

            "Not necessarily," Tony muttered, going back to the holo-screens that he had.

            Steve rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's go. No more looking for things that don't exist."

            Bruce followed right away, but Tony seemed hesitant, like he wanted to continue searching. So, seeing that Tony had long-since finished his cup of coffee, Steve just wrapped an arm around his teammate's waist, hoisting Tony up over his shoulder. "You won't find anything, Tony."

            "But what if I do? What if I would've found something, but then you just dragged me away from my research?" Tony grumbled. Steve could hear the smirk in Tony's voice when he murmured, "At least I've got a nice view from here."

            Steve just smiled to himself a little and swatted Tony's leg. It wasn't until they got to the elevator when Steve set Tony down. The genius didn't look very pleased that he wasn't being held anymore. Steve had thought that Tony wasn't always a fan of being carried, but apparently he was mistaken.

            "If you think that anything's wrong—even if it might not seem very significant right now, make sure to tell us," Bruce said.

            "I can do that," Steve replied, "but I don't think that anything will happen."

 

            "It's been two days, Tony. Stop looking for nothing," Steve muttered, crossing his arms. Tony glanced over at him and glared, rolling his eyes.

            "Steve, if something _bad_ happens, I'll never forgive myself," Tony muttered, pulling up another hologram. Steve watched Tony put in a couple of equations as he checked different probabilities against the DNA samples. Steve frowned when he noticed something, and before he was able to stop himself, he reached forward, changing part of the equation before Tony was able to.

            Tony stopped what he was doing, looking back at Steve, then the equation, then Steve again. "How did you...?"

            "I spend most of my free time in the lab anyway," Steve mumbled, shrugging. "It's not surprising that some of what you've told me has rubbed off on me. I listen to what you say, Tony, I do."

            "I know," Tony said, tapping a pen against the table. "But I've never done these equations around you, have I? Do you think you can do something for me, Steve?"

            Steve nodded. Anything for Tony.

            "Good," Tony said, tossing him a holographic screen. "Fill that out to the best of your ability. I'll give you another tomorrow, and the next day. You did one of these for S.H.I.E.L.D. back when they first woke you up. It's nothing too serious, but I've got an idea..."

            "Okay," Steve said, glancing over the questions. Just a standard intelligence test. Steve didn't want to feel bitter, but he didn't exactly want to know just how much dumber he was than Tony. He _knew_ that the man was a genius, and he respected that about him. Tony amazed him in every way. He loved everything about the man. But when it came to intelligence, Steve knew that he was lacking. Tony would want someone who was smart, not like him. He wasn't smart enough.

            As smart as Tony was, though, Steve guessed that either Tony didn't notice his feelings, or he just accepted that Steve had them and didn't want to say anything so that they'd still be able to remain friends. More likely the second, with how smart Tony was. Steve tried to accept that, because he cared so much about Tony but didn't want to lose his friendship with the man if things went wrong, and Tony didn't feel the same.

            Once the test was done, Steve hit the couch and opened the sketchbook that he kept in the lab. While he loved listening to Tony talking about the next invention he was working on, or the upgrades he was making to all of their weapons and armor, Steve didn't like just sitting there doing nothing. So while he wasn't really able to help Tony out that much, other than if he was working with some extremely heavy equipment, he chose to draw instead. There were always plenty of subjects to draw in the lab, but Steve's favorite was Tony.

            The way he moved, the look of concentration of his face, the sweat and oil that would start to build up before Steve dragged him out of the lab and over to a shower. He always tried to catch that glimmer of pure happiness on Tony’s face whenever he explained the science behind whatever he was working on. Science just excited him that much. It was so beautiful to see.

            For now, it was enough.

 

            "Unless you've been purposefully messing up on these tests in the past few days, then correcting every mistake now, there's no way that these results are possible," Bruce murmured, and Steve just shrugged. So it wasn't like he hadn't noticed—when he spent a lot of time in the lab with Tony, he guessed that he'd probably start to get smarter just by listening to what the genius was explaining to him. Because, after all, Tony didn't just talk about what he was working on. He _explained_ it, the entire process.

            "It's not surprising that I start to pick up on stuff that Tony tells me about," Steve mumbled. And okay, as of late he'd been trying to read up on what Tony talked about, so that when Tony talked with him in the lab, he wouldn't be completely clueless... "He does explain _everything_."

            "That doesn't mean that the IQ tests should be changing results," Tony pointed out. "I can explain things to anyone, that doesn't mean that their IQ will increase, and _especially_ not at this rate. You're smart, Cap, but this defies science."

            "Okay, so that alien ray made me smarter," Steve said, frowning. "Is that a bad thing?"

            He knew that he wasn't the smartest guy in the world. Being surrounded by geniuses sometimes really didn't help that. Sometimes he just looked around at his teammates and felt bad at how jealous he was of them. He wished that he was smart like Bruce so that he'd be able to hold a conversation with Tony like Bruce always did.

            "No, not necessarily. What I don't understand is _why_ the alien, who's trying to inhabit the Earth, would want to make anyone smarter," Bruce said. "You'd think that, if anything, they'd rather cause the human race to become less intelligent and therefore easier to take control of. So why would they make you smarter? It doesn't make any sense."

            Steve wanted to get angry. He really did. So what if these aliens had made him smarter? Did the two geniuses not want him to be smart like them? Was that it? "I don't see anything wrong with this. So what if I'm smarter now?"

            "No, we're not saying it's bad!" Tony spoke up quickly. "I'm keeping you in this lab from now on. I don't care if you need to train or what, I'm keeping you here. You spend enough time in the lab anyway, so I might as well drag you off that couch and put you to work instead. I want to see just how far this alien IQ stuff is going to go."

            Steve smiled a little. He _could_ go help Tony in the lab now. He could get smarter, and he could work side-by-side with the genius. He could have what Bruce had with Tony. They could speak science together, and work together, and Steve could spend so much more time with Tony. This was a good thing. He wasn't just going to be the dumb old man out of time anymore. He could be more—he could fit in. He could be smarter, and Tony would give him more attention, and maybe they could... maybe they could...

            He followed Tony over to the blueprints that he was currently working on.

            One of Steve's favorite things about being in the lab with Tony was the joy in his voice whenever he talked about what he was working on. He explained everything, yes, but there was so much _joy_ when Tony spoke. It was incredible. He hadn't seen that kind of look on anyone's face before, not like when Tony was talking science.

            It was Steve's favorite thing to draw.

            Now, if he was going to be working with Tony, though, he wasn't exactly able to _draw_ it... But he'd get to see that adorable look up close, all of the time. He could share in on the joy.

 

            "Are you sure that there aren't going to be any consequences?" Bucky asked. The two were sitting on the rooftop, looking out across the city. Steve knew that Bucky liked to go up to the roof after he'd had a bad day. When The Soldier, as Bucky had taken to calling the brainwashed side of him, was too much for him, he'd avoid everyone, isolate himself, and he usually ended up on the roof by the time evening rolled around.

            "How bad could it be? It just makes me smarter, Buck," Steve said, glancing down at the beer in his hands. When they were younger, before Bucky had gone off to war (and on the days that Steve wasn't sick) the two would sit on the roof of their apartment building and drink together.

            "You don't _need_ to be smarter. You're already basically perfect," Bucky muttered, and Steve rolled his eyes.

            "You know, you shouldn't avoid the team... even when The Soldier feels too strong," Steve said. Changing the subject was good... He didn't ever really like to talk about himself. And 'perfect' wasn't exactly a word that he'd ever choose. "Isolation is something Hydra used to do to you. You don't need to do it to yourself."

            "I'm not going to put anyone in danger." Bucky always had some sort of excuse like that. Steve could understand why he was worried—in the first few weeks that he'd been at the tower, he'd had a few episodes, and Steve always had to try and take him down to keep him from hurting anyone.

            "You're right, you're not. You haven't had an episode in months, Buck," Steve said, taking another swig of beer. "I know that it's hard to trust people, but... You can trust the team. They're wonderful."

            "I know they are. And I do trust them, that's _why_ I don't want to hurt them," Bucky said. "Enough about me, Steve. I want to know more about Tony."

            "What?" Steve asked. Tony? Why Tony? He could feel the blush that had already started to cross his face.

            "Have you asked him out yet?" Bucky prompted, and Steve gave him a gentle shove.

            "Don't tease me," Steve mumbled, not looking over at his friend. No, suddenly his beer bottle became a _lot_ more interesting.

            "So that's a no then? Steve, you're taking _way_ too long. By the time you get around to asking him, someone else might've already done that," Bucky said. "What you really need to do it just go over to that lab, where I know you spend all your time anyway, and just _ask him out_ already. It's pretty obvious how you feel about him, based on the looks you've been giving him at _least_ as long as I've been here."

            "I have not," Steve lied, blushing.

            "That's why I spent so much time with him in the lab, back when he was making me that new arm... I had to make sure I could trust him. He's a good man, Stevie. You shouldn't let him get away that easily," Bucky continued like Steve hadn't even talked. "What happened to the punk I knew that never ran away, even when something seemed impossible?"

            "I don't know what you're talking about, Bucky, I really don't," Steve insisted. There was no way that Bucky had been able to see through him that easily. Did the whole team know? Obviously they must have, which meant that Tony no doubt knew exactly what he was feeling, too. Sadly, that could only mean one thing: Tony didn't feel the same way.

            "Whatever you say," Bucky said, finishing off his beer. He offered Steve a hand to help him up. "I do think that you should talk to him about it sometime soon, though. The answer may surprise you."

 

            It had been two weeks since Steve had gotten hit with the alien ray that enhanced his mind. In those two weeks, not only had Steve _not_ asked Tony out, but he also hadn't left the lab unless Tony did. It wasn't hard for the super-soldier to fall into the genius's rhythm, staying up late into the evening, sometimes going a day or so without sleeping. It was worth it, just to be able to spend that time with Tony.

            It was more than that, though. Steve could feel it. He could _feel_ the way that he was getting smarter.

            There were things he knew without having to learn them, things he was sure that the aliens must've put in his mind. He understood concepts that he'd never heard of before, and could easily apply them in the lab. He knew the rate at which his IQ was accelerating, though he chose not to share the information with Tony or Bruce. No need to cause unnecessary worry.

            Why worry anyway? It wasn't like it was a _problem_ , him being smart. It made him better, right? So there was nothing wrong with it.

            The only thing that worried him was that Tony and Bruce would decide that, because the intelligence was gained artificially, it wasn't good enough... He didn't want them to leave. He finally understood the feeling that Tony would get, staying in the lab for hours working on a new project. It was wonderful.

            "Come on, Steve. I think it's about time for us to head off," Tony murmured. By now, with a couple days of no sleep, he was starting to crumble. Typically, when Tony spent days in the lab, not only would he bring down food and coffee for Tony, but he also made sure that the genius never stayed more than two days straight awake. Steve wasn't even sure of the last time either of them had eaten.

            "But we're not done yet," Steve objected. There was still energy flowing through his veins.

            "The upgrades can wait until tomorrow," Tony said, heading over towards the elevator. Steve offhandedly filed a stray thought away to contemplate later— _Tony hasn't been looking as happy in the lab anymore._ "Come on, Steve. Let's just get outta here... Aren't you exhausted by now? I'm pretty sure we've been down here four days, living off of whatever I had laying around the lab. I don't know about you, but I could use some good coffee and a nice rest."

            Steve frowned, knowing that Tony was right. "Just a little more?"

            Tony sighed, rolling his eyes, but there was still a smile on his face as he wandered back over and crashed down onto the couch. "Okay, come here. I've got some more plans, and I want some opinions."

            Steve took a seat beside him, and for the next hour they discussed the blueprints that Tony had already drawn out. It took a little while for Steve to realize that Tony had fallen asleep, his face pressed against Steve's shoulder.

            There was a light flutter of _something_ inside, though Steve was more surprised by the lack of intense feelings that he typically got when he watched Tony sleep. He tried thinking back to when they'd watch team movies, and Tony would pass out on him. He tried thinking about how it made him feel. For whatever reason, he couldn't pull that up, he couldn't remember how Tony affected him.

            There was a slight concern in the back of his mind, but he ignored it. It wasn't worth the thought.

 

            "You're not even worried? What's _wrong_ with you?" Bucky growled, gripping the front of Steve's shirt. They were close enough that Steve could see the flecks of sweat and blood on his face. His eyes were wide with anger and shock. "Normally you'd be over in that room wearing a hole in the floor by pacing around."

            "He's going to be fine, Bruce said so," Steve said, before realizing that Bucky was right. Normally, he _would_ be in the room, waiting for Clint to wake up so he could chastise him for taking to many risks and then make sure he knew just how much the team cared about him. Why wasn't he doing that? For whatever reason, he just didn't have the urge to do that. He shouldn't felt worried about that. He should've cared, but... he didn't.

            It wasn't like it was something life-threatening. His teammate had been knocked out, yes, but the worst of his injuries were cuts and bruises, perhaps a concussion. He hadn't lost too much blood, he would be perfectly fine in a couple of days.

            "Whatever," Bucky muttered, pushing him away as he headed back over to the room. "I don't know what's going on with you right now, Steve, but you better figure it out. If you need me, I'll be with Clint."

            Steve watched him stalk angrily back over to the medical room. Natasha was standing in the doorway, glaring daggers at him. She closed the door, shooting him one last hateful look, once Bucky was back in the room.

            "What's wrong with me?" Steve groaned. Before he even realized where he was heading, he found himself in the lab.

            It was strange, not having Tony around, but that strangeness disappeared within the first few minutes. If he could just put his mind on something else...

            As much as he tried to push his injured teammate from his mind, he couldn't. Why wasn’t he acting like he normally would, doing anything he could to make sure that Clint would be okay? Why couldn't he care less after knowing that one of his soldiers was going to be fine? Why couldn't he just—

            No. Clint wasn't _one of his soldiers_. Clint was his _friend_ , his _family_.

            Something was definitely wrong.

 

            Both serums were almost done. One had the power to let him rise above humanity, the other had the ability to destroy everything he’d been working on up until that point. The first one was what he’d spent so long working on, but the second one… the second one was that last glimmer of hope that he had in humanity. That serum was the side of him that didn’t want to give up on people.

            He watched both of them, knowing just how easy it was to tempt fate. After all, his actions in the next several weeks would determine the fate of all of humankind.

 

            It was several days later when Steve found himself looking up at the stars, alone, on top of the tower. His team was pissed with him still, so he'd been trying to avoid them. The anger in their eyes should've disturbed him, but it didn't, and he _had_ to know why. He didn't like it when he didn't understand something. He was understanding _everything_ lately, but he couldn't understand his team.

            Clint was going to be _fine_ , Bruce said so why were they all so mad at him? It didn't make any sense.

            There were a lot of things that did make sense at the moment. Like the fact that he was far smarter than any other human being on Earth right now. And not only was he smarter, but there was also something that he'd been meaning to do for quite some time now. The idea of timespace travel, if taken to the dimensional level, was bugging him. He didn't know where he got the idea from, but he _knew_ that it could become a reality if he just put some time into it.

            If he could just—

            Steve gasped in pain, rubbing his forehead. He knew what was going on, but he wasn't sure he wanted to change it.

            After all, the only thing that would stop his inevitable future would be to reverse the ray that started everything in the first place. In fact, the only reason that things hadn't been going by faster was because of his serum, trying to keep his body from changing, trying to settle the pounding in his head so that perhaps his skull wouldn't crack—

            Another headache made Steve stop worrying about his new ideas.

            Maybe he should just let the alien ray finish off what it had started. His team obviously didn't care if he was there or not.

 

            "Don't you _dare_ do something like that again," Tony snapped when Steve opened his eyes. At first he was going to ask what had happened, but upon seeing that he was in one of the medical rooms, and the way that his head was pounding much more than it had been in the past several days, he could guess that he must've passed out when he was struck on the head. Any easy hit would've caused slightly more trauma than his fragile human brain could withstand at the moment. They must’ve just got back from a battle.

            "I didn't mean to get knocked out," he decided on, because it was the truth. A couple of his teammates were nearby, and he would've felt shocked if he could really care to feel that way at the moment.

            "Yeah, about that. You didn't even get hit very hard, what happened? Are you in any pain?" The worry in Tony's voice brought a flicker of surprise through him. Why did it matter to Tony? No amount of ‘worry’ could change anything that had already happened. There was no point in worrying.

            "Any trauma to the head would've taken me out," Steve said. His skull was very fragile at the moment. "I was almost successful in keeping them away from my head, but obviously it wasn't good enough."

            Even with all of his brains and brawns, he wasn't able to keep himself from being taken down. If he was just able to amplify his brainpower a little bit more—once he could figure a way to keep the serum from hindering the new abilities that he was gaining, he wouldn't have to worry about getting knocked out any more. He would be able to transcend beyond that.

            "Not any—are you hurt? Is that it? Was it that last battle?" Tony asked. Again with the concern. Steve glanced over at his other teammates, who had remained silent thus far. They looked concerned, but still angry as they stayed silent. If they didn’t want to be there, they shouldn’t be. Again, there was no point in it.

            "No, I'm not injured in the slightest," Steve said, crossing his arms. Okay, there might be a crack in his skull, and while he was tempted to mention it, he knew that it would cause a negative reaction with his team, and he didn't have the strength to deal with that at the moment. They wouldn't understand his need to transcend. They'd try to stop him.

            They were jealous. They must've noticed that he was smarter than all of them combined. His poor, weak human body wasn't able to contain the great mind that he was now harboring, and they just wanted to take that away from him.

            There was pure panic in Bruce's eyes when he raced into the room, breathing hard. A ripple of concern passed through his teammates, while Steve observed the scientist. He couldn't have figured it out.

            "We've got a problem," Bruce gasped. His eyes were wide and scared as he watched Steve, like he was going to pass out again. "Has your head been hurting, Steve?"

            "Headaches aren't of any consequence right now," Steve muttered.

            Bruce looked flabbergasted. "There's a huge _split_ in the back of your _skull!_ Your brain has swollen more than should be possible," Bruce gasped. "Steve, we need to get this swelling under control before it _kills_ you. I don't even know how you're awake right now, or why you aren't doubled over in pain—"

            "Because it barely hurts," Steve defended. Any little pain that he may have had was irrelevant. He couldn't even feel angry at Bruce for wanting to get rid of his intellect.

            "Wait, a crack in his skull?" Bucky spoke up. "That could _kill_ him—"

            "Why haven't you said anything?" Tony demanded.

            "Because none of it _matters_ ," Steve said, raising an eyebrow at him. "I don't understand why you're all so concerned. It's not going to hurt for much longer, and once I'm able to finish the new serum—"

            "Steve, this could _kill_ you. Why don't you care?" Tony asked. There was so much _fear_ in his voice that he lost what he was going to say next.

            "I... I don't understand why you're so concerned," Steve said, taken aback. "I'm not going to die, if I can just finish the serum first. That'll counteract the serum I already have—"

            "You've officially gone _crazy_ ," Bucky growled. He looked angry, but there was something more to that. Concern. Guilt. He couldn't place it. There were tears in Bucky’s eyes, and that just didn’t make sense.

            "You're our friend, Steve... Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?" Clint sounded scared, too. Why was everyone so scared? He wasn't going to hurt them.

            "I'm not going to die," he insisted. Didn't they hear him?

            "How can you be so sure?" Natasha asked. She was usually so good at not looking scared. Hadn't they all just hated him a few minutes ago?

            Bruce shook his head. "If your brain continues swelling—"

            "It's not swelling, it's growing," Steve said, causing everyone to quiet down.

            "You... you knew about this?" Tony asked quietly.

            "Of course I did," Steve said, frowning. Did they think that he wouldn't know what's going on with his own body? "It's almost done. The crack has been there for... six days, if I'm correct."

            "You really _have_ lost your mind," Bucky said, and Steve noticed that the metal headboard bent underneath his fingers. "I knew it, that _stupid_ alien ray _did_ affect you more than anyone really thought. I _knew_ that it was doing more than make you smarter. It completely took over your _mind_ , Steve! What happened to that punk who used to care more for others life than anything, the guy who would never run away from a fight?"

            "Maybe he isn't good enough," Steve snarled, startling himself. He was above emotions. He'd already transcended that. It wasn't supposed to mater anymore. "You can't stand the fact that I'm smarter now than before. It scares you. I'm not the same. And I'm not going to _be_ the same. What do any of you need me here for? You've done perfectly fine without me for the past several days. I could do so much better for this world if you'd let me get past this pathetically weak body."

            A hand gripped his, and all attention was on Tony. His eyes, shiny with tears, looked so much younger than Steve had ever seen. The man reminded him of a child in that instant, scared yet still brave enough to speak. "Do we not matter anymore? Does your family not matter to you anymore?"

            Family. He was the one who'd insisted that they were all like a loving, dysfunctional family in the first place. When _had_ they stopped mattering to him in the past couple weeks? When had it been that he'd given up on everyone that he'd ever cared about in pursuit of something beyond humanity?

            When had he stopped feeling that tingly sensation inside when he'd look into Tony's eyes? The blush that typically adorned his face whenever he spent too many hours in the lab hadn't been seen in weeks now.

            God, when had he last seen those beautiful eyes of Tony's twinkle with that happiness that they used to contain?

            "I... No, I need you guys," Steve mumbled, gasping as another wave of pain throbbed through his head. He gripped his forehead for a moment, trying to shake the uneasy feeling he was getting inside. What was wrong? What was going on? "I... I wanted to be smarter. I wasn't good enough before—"

            "Why would you ever think that you weren't good enough?" Clint asked. He looked hurt, betrayed. What had he done?

            "I was _never_ good enough. I... I wasn't strong enough to keep you all out of trouble, smart enough to adjust to this century... There are so many things I could've done better," he said. Countless battles that he'd led his team into, battles where they'd almost lost an Avenger. If he wasn't able to keep his own team safe, how was he expected to protect the world? If he could get smarter, he'd be able to figure out a way to keep _everyone_ safe.

            "We're not asking you to do that," Bucky murmured, taking Steve's free hand. Tony still hadn't let go of his other one. "You idiot... we just want you _here_."

            "But..." Steve shook his head, trying to get rid of the pain. "I can do so much more, though. I can _be_ more."

            "What are you trying to do?" Bruce asked calmly. The flicker of green in his eyes told Steve that he was anything _but_ calm.

            "If I could just get rid of the prison that is this body," Steve explained, "I _know_ I can help advance the entire world. I've seen things, I've seen possibilities. It may be possible to figure out cures to _every_ illness, or even eliminate war. I could let everyone see the world as I do right now, so everyone can transcend."

            "What if you lose us?" Tony asked. "What if we don't want to transcend?"

            Why wouldn't they? "I couldn't lose you. This would be to protect you... to protect the Earth. To make humans _better_." Steve frowned, pulling his hands away. This wasn't about him. "This is because I'm smart now, isn't it? I wasn't good enough when I was dumb little Cap, and now that I _am_ smart—now that I can keep up with you and Bruce—you _still_ don't think I'm good enough? That's all I _wanted_ , Tony! I just wanted to be good enough! …For _you_."

            "You're not good enough for me, Steve," Tony said. His voice was void of emotion, and Steve could feel his heart ache. He hadn't felt that in a long time. "You're _too good_. You've always been so damn perfect... I may be smart, but that's it. You're the ideal that I _strive_ to be. I didn't realize that I'd hurt you so much..."

            "It doesn't hurt." A lie. "And you're wrong. I'll be better once this is done. It'll take a little bit of adjustment, but I..." Another sharp wave of pain. "I just..." The throbbing was a lot worse now than it had been before. "I just need to finish that serum."

            "If this is what you want, I'll help," Tony said quietly.

            "I... don't want to lose any of you," Steve said before he was able to stop himself. Looks like that kid from Brooklyn wasn't completely gone yet. "Will I lose you guys?"

            "Nothing you do could ever make you lose us." Though Tony said it, the rest of the Avengers nodded in agreement. "Do you know why, Steve?"

            He shook his head. He really had no clue, and it bothered him. It was such a simple question.

            "Because you've always been good enough for this family," Tony said, offering him a hand to help him up. Steve took it, because he wasn't sure he'd be able to walk straight without a little help. The pain was only increasing, which was odd since, according to his calculations, he still had another several days before his skull actually gave out to the pressure.

            It was a matter of instinct and pure emotion as, the moment he was standing, Steve pulled Tony forward and pressed their lips together. He'd never been good enough. Tony had never even _noticed_ his feels before, let alone acted on them. And if this wasn't enough... then what was?

            "What's so good about Steve Rogers?" he asked quietly, not letting go of Tony. "Why should I stay?"

            "What’s so good? _Everything_ ," Tony whispered. Sweet, beautiful Tony. "I love the way that you get up early just so that you can go for those quiet morning runs that I know you love so much, since you've dragged me along with you on so many of them. I love how much effort you take in making sure everyone's okay. I love it when you Mother Hen us, even if I complain about it. I love that you're impulsive yet amazing at strategy. I love the way you get under my skin and press my buttons in ways that make me want to be better."

            "I love how much you care about the team," Clint added. After being brainwashed by Loki, Clint had been pretty damaged. He hadn't thought that he was worth anything. It hadn't taken Steve long to show him that he was wrong. "No one ever thought of us like a family until you made sure we stuck together."

            "I love how you're always there for all of us," Bruce said. It hadn't taken him long to break through Bruce's shell. After that, befriending the genius had been easy. "No matter how early in the morning or late at night, no matter how trivial or serious the matter."

            "I love how I'm able to trust you," Natasha said. Despite his initial concern, he'd learned to trust her almost instantly. She was definitely the person he'd trust with any secret. "You make people want to trust you just by being yourself."

            "I love how you never give up, especially not on the people that you care about," Bucky said. He'd stuck by his side for years, and Steve considered Bucky his closest friend. It had taken a while to break The Soldier, but he would never have given up. "Not even when someone deserves being given up on."

            Another pounding wave of pain hit Steve as he leaned against Tony. "The serum's in the lab," he mumbled. "Can you help me over there?"

            Sorrow seemed to be radiating off of all of his friends as they helped him over towards the lab, keeping him from falling down. Apparently the rays were breaking through the serum faster than he'd expected, because if he was experiencing this much pain, that just meant that the rays must've been accelerating at an unstable rate.

            For the first time in a while, Steve prayed. He prayed that he wouldn't be too late.

            He would've fallen on the ground had his team not been holding him up. Bruce brought the serum to him. No one looked happy in the slightest.

            "If I transcended... I could fix everything," Steve said quietly. "Humans are so unstable..."

            "Humans are imperfect in every way. That's what makes us as strong as we are," Tony said, and there was hope in his eyes when Steve leaned in to kiss him again. "Whatever you choose, I'll always be here."

            Steve nodded, taking the serum from Bruce. Would he ever be able to truly get away from the imperfection of humanity? He plunged the needle into his arm. He chose his team.

            The team brought him over to the couch, looking concerned but unable to help as he grabbed his head. It hurt more than he'd expected, having the new serum flowing through his entire body with every beat of his heart.

            "You're sure you want me to be dumb little Steve again?" he asked, trying not to cry out in pain. He was hoping for his emotions to come back, for his intellect to disappear, and for his humanity to be returned.

            "You've never been dumb," Tony said, crossing his arms. "Just because Bruce and I are smarter than the average person at science doesn't make you dumb, Steve. Intelligence goes beyond science. I've never seen someone come up with as brilliant of strategies as you—somehow everyone is always in the right place. As long as we listen to what you tell us, we always succeed. You've never been dumb, Cap."

            Steve nodded numbly. "It's probably going to take a few weeks... and I'm not sure how long it'll take for the split in my skull to heal..."

            "You're not... leaving?" Bucky asked, eyes widening in realization.

            A slight smile crossed his face. "How could I leave my family?"

            Steve gasped when everyone was suddenly on the couch, hugging him.

            "I thought you said the serum would let you... transcend?" Tony asked, and Steve held him tight, keeping the shorter man on his lap. Bucky and Clint were to his right, Bruce and Tasha to his left.

            "I never finished that serum... I only finished the antidote... about a week ago," Steve said. He... he wanted to feel the way he used to. Looking at his team should've made his heart feel swelled up, but it didn't, and that made him uncomfortable. He wanted his heart to beat faster at the thought of having Tony on his lap. He wanted to just... _feel_ again. It hurt a little inside that he was going to lose the intelligence that he'd been gaining for the past several weeks.

            "I want... to feel again," Steve mumbled. "I can't remember what it feels like... to be angry.” He took Clint's hand. "Or to be worried." He glanced over at Tony. "Or to be happy."

            "We can help you," Bucky assured, and Steve smiled.

            "And that help really should start with the crack in your skull, Steve," Bruce insisted. He took Steve's hand, intent on leading him towards the medical room. "If you were trying to stop the serum, that means that you're not going to be healing as fast as you normally would. I want to see if there’s a way we can speed up your healing process."

            "There isn't, I've already run through all the options," Steve mumbled. "I'm going to need you guys to keep me in check... because it's going to take a couple of weeks, minimum, for my brain to readjust to working at a lower rate, which should let it shrink down and alleviate the pressure... I haven't experienced emotions completely in weeks, and it's not going to come back overnight. It's going to take a long time."

            "That's okay," Tony assured him. "We'll still be here. Just make sure... make sure you're not going to die, Steve. We need you."

 

            It took a few weeks before Steve really noticed a change. He still spent day in and day out working in the lab with Bruce and Tony, trying to use his time to his advantage. After all, every second he got closer to who he'd been before the rays had affected him, and while it did bother him... He was also thankful of his choice. He could still help, though.

            As long as he was able to help and make any advancements, he would. And Bruce and Tony loved having him around the lab to help out. Tony especially seemed to love being able to lean over and kiss him while they worked. Steve liked being able to hold his hand whenever he wanted to, so he could see the grin that radiated off of Tony’s face.

            "They wanted me to bring more of them to Earth, so that we could help the rest of humanity transcend," Steve had explained, showing his teammates the blueprints that he'd already drawn up. He had explained to them how the serum would've changed his body, the new species he would've become once he'd shed his humanity. He'd thought that it was so brilliant, but the longer he went without the alien rays, the less logic he saw in it. He would've been vulnerable if he hadn't found a way to create a form of brainwave telekinesis, which he hadn't actually figured out yet... And he would’ve brought an alien species to Earth that wanted humanity to transcend… into _their_ race.

            He’d almost brought hundreds of aliens that would’ve turned aliens into their own kind straight to Earth without a second thought. Perhaps there had been a bit of mental manipulation that he’d missed while he was in love with being on a ‘science high.’

            It was hard, noticing the way that it was getting harder and harder to work in the lab. Instead of admitting defeat, though, Steve started reading more books on science, and his teammates helped test him over whatever it was he was reading at the time.

            The first time he laughed at something one of his teammates said, Steve knew he'd made the right decision. Just being able to feel the happiness well up inside of him was enough to make his entire day better. The moment that sparkle of happiness was in Tony's eyes again—they worked together in the lab, side by side, without Steve feeling like he'd transcended beyond his friend—he knew he'd made the right decision. Working together was definitely better than being superior. When a particularly difficult villain showed up, Steve couldn't be happier at the panic he felt, leading his team into battle. His team all seemed happy that he was back to his normal self again.

            And when he figured out how to beat that dangerous villain with nothing more than his own mind, long after the effects of the rays were gone, Steve knew that he was good enough for his team, his family.


End file.
